I’m one of those people that grew up in the church. I mean in church no matter what, Sunday morning & afternoon worship, choir rehearsal, intercessory prayer, Friday night service, & whatever else the church had going on. Oh my goodness I hated it! As much as I hated church I always knew the hand of God was upon my life. As much as I tried to escape it I just couldn’t. I did everything worldly I could tolerate morally ; I drank, I cursed, I had sex, I smoked weed, & I partied like everyone else. My freshman year of college the enemy actually tried to take me out. Doing everything I could to please him as a master & he wanted me dead. Can you believe that? I was drinking heavily & smoking too, I was in such an amazing zone so I thought but in actuality I wasn’t & I was totally making a fool of myself. Suddenly my high became low & I felt miserable. I vomited all over myself several times & at one point even begin to breathe funny. Looking back it’s funny because the friend I was doing all this with didn’t even care if I was alright. Isn’t that just like the enemy?! Thank God for a praying mother though. One of my friends was so discombobulated she had no idea what to do. We were eighteen so she didn’t want to call the ambulance and get in trouble & she didn’t want to call the dorm mother so we could all risk the possibility of getting kicked out of school but she called on the name Jesus & he came down to see about me. You would think oh she almost died so I know suddenly you became radical for Jesus, ha nope. In fact after being passed out for a couple hours I woke up at about 3am & told my then guyfriend to come pick me up from campus. Don’t get me wrong I was thankful I didn’t die but it was just not the time for me to give my life to Christ. So I continued having sex and drinking until one day I was just tired of being hurled over the toilet and being underneath or on top of a man that didn’t care about me physically so I know he definitely didn’t care about me spiritually. Even though I was tired I wasn’t tired enough because I continued doing it a while longer.
That’s just like us though to run to Christ when we’re in between a rock and hard place & soon as he sets us free we’re back doing the very same thing. What a slap in his face!
A few times I got “saved” & then I would backslide & go back to the very thing that God was calling me to come out of. But knowing that God is married to the backslider (Jeremiah 3:13) I knew he would give me the strength to put it down. The only thing about dwelling in sin is it’s a choice. For a long time I chose to keep doing the things I was doing. I did them because they felt good, everybody else was doing it, & if you weren’t doing what they were doing you were an outsider. Because I was doing what everybody else was doing I was also condemning my soul like everybody else. Although I wanted to be like everybody else there was just something in me longing for something completely different. I was starting not to enjoy sin like I once did. The spirit was drawing me, slowly but surely. The sin I was participating in didn’t feel as good, taste as good, smell as good, look as good, or sound as good. My spirit man was sick & my soul wanted to be revived. The thing I learned about sin is it will take you further than you want to go, cost you more than you want to pay, & keep you longer than you want to stay. I was tired so I cried out to him and he came to my rescue. That’s just like the great & mighty God I serve.
Sometimes the Lord will allow us to get so low just to show us he’s been pulling for us all along. He’ll make you hit rock bottom so you’ll realize HE IS THE ROCK. God always had a plan. I believe he does everything for a reason! I was christened at about 6 months and now at the age of 23 I’m planning to get baptized. It took everything I have been through to get me here, totally surrendered and committed. Although I still have a long road ahead of me I just want to be in his will. Let me make this one point clear : just because you’re saved doesn’t mean you won’t sin but the point is to not sin on purpose. We are human so we can’t escape sin but God grants us grace & mercy to cover us when we do stumble. If you do however find yourself sinking back into sin, repent and ask the Lord to help you. This walk is not going to be easy, no cross no crown, but I do know one day it’ll be worth it. I’m living to live again so when he comes back for me I just want to hear ,”Well done thy good & faithful servant.”
Continue to pray my strength as I continue to pray yours as we continue to upbuild the kingdom of God & be the mighty men & women of valor God has called us to be.
Side Bar : My best advice for the Christian community is to have an accountability partner so in times of weakness they’ll be able to encourage you in the word. Someone you know & trust & that’s not going to tell you what you want to hear but what you need to hear concerning your soul.
Psalm 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word.